Adachi's Blues
by Chamomile Pool
Summary: Tohru Adachi cracks his toughest case yet... bow bow bow


Hey, there! My name is Tohru Adachi. I'm a former police officer who, due to a series of events I'm too tired to try to recap right now, found himself charged with several counts of murder. But did I do it?

Well, yes, I admit that I did. I had grown tired of this shitty world, and my little cat-and-mouse game helped pass the time quite nicely. It was all fun and games, people got hurt, and I got caught… By a bunch of kids, no less. Talk about killjoys.

My life went from this crazy existence full of supernatural intrigue to squalid living in a dull cell. But you know, it ain't half bad, really, once you get used to the sucky food, the sucky mattresses, and the sucky room décor. For once in my life, I've finally been left alone by all those goddamn idiots in the world.

Things were pretty OK, then, until someone suddenly took an interest in me again. I don't know why, but some people just can't get enough of me. It really gets on my nerves sometimes. So, back by popular demand, it's me—Tohru Adachi! For my next trick, I'll make this world disappear! (C'mon, it still sounds kinda nice.)

I was sitting in my cell like usual, staring at the wall (one of my new favorite pastimes) when it happened. My whole cell went pitch black all of a sudden, like someone had shut off all the lights. Not just the electricity—even the natural daylight from outside was shut off. And in that blackness, a blue door appeared where my cell door normally would be. The door had a sort of whimsical, cartoony look.

My first thought: "Not this shit again."

Then, like a scene out of some shitty horror movie, blue paw prints started to appear. They started from where I was sitting and went all the way toward the door, showing up one-by-one. The footprints and the door remained there for a long time, and I finally accepted that I really didn't have much say in the matter: I had to go through that door. I really, really didn't want to, but whoever—or whatever—wanted to see me was not taking the hint. It was probably a good ten minutes before I finally got up, brushed off some imaginary dirt from my pants, and took my sweet old time walking up to the glowing blue door.

I turned the knob and opened the door—and instantly my vision was flooded with light. I took a few cautious steps forward. After the light faded and my eyes adjusted (they've probably been probably been permanently damaged, but we'll worry about that later I guess), I was able to get my first look at the hell I'd been dragged into this time.

The first thing I saw was this atrocious pink and white wallpaper that was on the wall across from me. I was in a living room, by the looks of it. Directly across from me was a red armchair, to the right of which was a little wooden dresser with a red phone on top. A portrait of yours truly—my mugshot, which was not the most flattering picture of me—hung to the wall to the left of the armchair. The picture was surrounded by this thick, swirly border that gold-colored.

A young man wearing a green striped shirt and khakis was standing between me and the chair. He had short brown hair and was smiling as he glared at me with these big, excited eyes.

He says in a cheery, high-pitched voice, "Oh, hi! I'm so glad you're here!"

 _Fuck. This._

I wheel around and fling the blue door open again, thinking that jail is better than whatever situation I've just waltzed into. Instead of my cell, all I see is white static through the door. _Just like the TV world_. I knew it wouldn't be that easy. I sigh, close the door, and turn back to face the young man. It's at this time that I notice that I'm now dressed just like he is, except that my striped shirt is red.

"Look who's here!" The young man says, gesturing toward me.

I look around quickly. There doesn't appear to be anyone in the room but me and him, so I'm not sure who he is talking to—and then, out of the blue, a chorus of children shout, "ADACHI!"

I wheel around, doing a complete 360, looking for the brats that nearly burst my eardrums (first eye damage, now ear damage… what a day already, huh?). But I don't see anyone but me and the man wearing the striped green shirt.

"That's right, it's Adachi," the young man says, looking back at me. He smiles. "Welcome to my house, Adachi. It's great to see you."

I blink hard, thinking that maybe if I blink hard enough, this will all just go away. Welp, that failed. So I clear my throat and say, "Hey, thanks. Great to see you too. Now, uh… Who the hell are you, again?"

The young man looks nervously past me, as though looking at someone in the distance. He then says, "My name is Steve. And this is my dog, Blue." On cue, a dog walks into the living room, which is to my left. And, surprise! The dog is actually freakin', blue! That's what happens when you put too many GMOs and shit in your dog food, kids.

"Hey, Blue," Steve says, looking down at the Smurf dog, "wanna say hi to Adachi?"

Blue looks up at me and goes, "bow bow bow"

 _Well, bow bow to you too, bitch._

"Would you like to play a game with Blue?" Steve is clearly directing the question at me, but he aims his smile toward the audience past me again.

"I think I'll pass," I say without hesitation. I put my hands on my hips and look squarely at Steve. "I just want to know who called me here, what they want from me, and how I can get home before all these bright colors make me sick."

Steve frowns slightly. "I'm not sure who brought you here or why." He looks at the dog. "Blue, do you know who brought Adachi here?"

 _Yes, let's ask the genetically modified frankendog, shall we?_

Blue looks at Steve and goes, "bow"

Blue turns toward me. "bow bow bow"

Before I can do anything about it, Blue leaps at me and presses her front left paw on my chest. When I step back, there is now a big, bright blue paw print on my shirt—identical to the ones that led to the blue door at the start of all this.

Steve looks at my shirt with wide, knowing eyes.

"Oh, a paw print!" He exclaims, looking past me again. "You know what this means!"

I cough nervously. "No, no… I don't, and I don't know if I want to…"

Steve gives me a sharp look. _Scary_. "We'll have to play Blues Clues to find out who brought Adachi here," Steve resumes. Suddenly, music starts to play in the background, and I feel my blood pressure start to rise.

Steve begins to sing:

"WE ARE GONNA PLAY BLUES CLUES

WE ARE GONNA PLAY BLUES CLUES

WE ARE GONNA PLAY BLUES CLUES

CUZ IT'S REALLY FUN (yeah!)!"

[to be continued]


End file.
